It sounds to me like a very untrustworthy environment you're creating. She's not allowed past a "boundary" house, not allowed tasty food, not allowed a bed. All for what? Messaging someone on an iPod? Aren't you messaging strangers on the internet right now through interactions on this blog post? She's not a recruit in the military, she didn't sign on when you decided to give birth.

I don't want to attack your parenting style. Everyone has their own way. But if you want to create a more harmonious relationship then you will need to change yourself if you expect her to change. Relationships are about give and take, about compromise. Think about in what ways you're willing to give first.

In just a few years, she will likely move out and you will lose all control over her, forever. There will be no rules set by you any more. This is part of growing up, and this process of evolving from a child to an adult is starting now.

For your relationship and own sanity, don't try and cling on to control that you will eventually lose.

p.s. I highly recommend you read How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie. It will give you the tools and tricks you need to negotiate successfully with your daughter.